Sunday, May 11, 2014

Our first few weeks as a family of 5! by Tiffany


Where do I even start?  I knew that letting so much time pass would make it hard to write, but it seemed all I could do at the time!   

First of all I must say that God is so good!  In all the ups and downs of the past 3 weeks we have clearly felt His presence, His changing power, His encouragement and His faithfulness. 
Thank you Lord.

So, here goes in no particular order – sorry it’s so lengthy, obviously you can just pick through what you’d like to read:

·         The night before our “Gotcha Day”(the day we got to pick up Eli) I was lying in bed talking with Hannah and as the reality of what was about to happen started to sink in, a whole range of emotions swept over me.   To be completely honest, one of these was sadness for the loss of the family we have always known and what that would mean for Hannah and Ayden.  I knew there would be a lot of good, but I also knew that there would be many challenges ahead and that things would never be the same.  So I began to pray and within the first few minutes of sharing with God, I believe He so clearly spoke to my heart and mind interrupting my own thoughts, different than my own thoughts, came this message as clear as day, “Do not look back – no one who looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God.”  I felt instant excitement and peace.  I didn’t have to fear anything because we were right where God wanted us to be, right where He called us and led us and He would work out all the other details.  Then a series of thoughts that weren’t quite so clear followed:  something to the effect of “I have given you x# of years like things are now and it has been a great blessing.  Now I am giving something new, but if you spend all your time looking back, you will miss it. I want to bless you all here.  I will be with you.”  Thank you God!  I consider that message a great treasure!  You have taken away all doubt and fear. 

·         Our trip consisted of two parts: one week in Taiyuan – the capital of Eli’s home province and one week in Guangzhou where the U.S. Consulate is.  Over these 14 days, we essentially were waiting for lots of paperwork to come through with just an occasional meeting here and there so we had LOTS of time to fill.  We would walk around the city and do all sorts of things like visit parks, eat out at restaurants we do not have in our town like Starbucks and Pizza Hut and go to stores that we do not have in Shiyan.    We rented and rode a paddle boat, went to a book store, navigated the subway to many scenic or historic spots in the city and did school work in the hotel. We also got to go to an amusement park with a precious family of 12 we met who were adopting there 7th (now that helped put things in perspective for me).  So needless to say, our two weeks were certainly not your normal day to day routine.  We got to experience many firsts with Eli that he seemed to really enjoy!  So even though being away from home and in a hotel for that long was actually kind of hard,  we had a lot of focused time together as a family with little distraction so that was a real blessing.  For about a week after arriving home, Eli would keep asking if we could go on the boat not realizing that those things aren’t things we do every day!

·         Although Eli got used to sleeping with us in the hotel, and he was not very happy to find out that the second pillow on Deryk and my bed at home was not his, he now goes happily to his own bed in a matter of minutes without a fuss.  We count this a real blessing as he is quite a handful in his waking moments – I am thankful that the sleeping ones are truly restful!

·         He jumped right into wrestling with Deryk and Ayden – he can hold his own too!

·         I love watching the way he just joins right in with all our family traditions.  Some things he doesn’t even understand but he is learning that they are what our family does and he is happily taking part! 

·         He seems to be used to doing what he wants to do - without a lot of instruction, correction and follow through – so I must say he is certainly trying to see just how far he can push things!    It is an added challenge to do all this teaching with a language barrier, but I must say that even so, each and every day we are encouraged by something he does that shows he is getting it and he will come around with time!   It reminds me of the way God changes us into His likeness little by little because all at once would be more painful than we could bear.  I am thankful we have a patient God and I am being challenged to be much more patient myself. 

·         We are looking up “signs” seemingly every other minute!  I am thankful for free ASL Dictionary Apps!  We are trying to help him transition from a lifelong habit of communicating through pushing and grunts to using Sign Language.  Sometimes he doesn’t want to use them, but for the most part he is trying and really thinking of the right sign to use.   When this clicks, he is just going to take off!  How exciting it will be for him to have his little world opened up! 

·         He is literally the ONLY Chinese person I know who does not absolutely LOVE either rice or noodles.  Not only does he not absolutely love one of them, he doesn’t even like either of them?!  What he wants instead is MEAT, meat and more meat. 

·         This time has proven to be one in which God is teaching me many lessons.  I knew I still had a lot of growing to do, but these last few weeks have magnified my awareness of just how much and in exactly which ways.  I am being reminded to constantly fall before the throne of God and ask Him to fill me by His Spirit with wisdom, patience, selflessness, humility and love.  I am so thankful He is willing and able to change us and patient enough to do so with mercy.

·         I am grateful that although a transition like the one Eli was required to make (from a life in an orphanage to a home) would seem incredibly hard, he seems to genuinely like being with us.  Of course, he doesn’t like the new boundaries that he has been given and he constantly tries to push them, but that is to be expected at first.  What he does love is all the things that make us a family.  Cleaning, cooking and eating together (he is my ever present helper and doesn’t like a dish to be left in the sink – sometimes out of nowhere he will sign to me “let’s go wash dishes or cook” and then just wiggle with excitement), and our routines of quiet time, school time, play time outside and bedtime.  Going to the store together and having a say in what we pick out and helping me with the laundry – all these things seem to give him a comforting sense of belonging and purpose and he seems very happy in that and for that I am thankful.

·         Many children that grow up in an orphanage have a felt need to hoard things and carry them around in their pockets or place them under their pillows.  This can range from food to their toys or even someone else’s stuff.  This has certainly proven true with Eli.  Sometimes it is just cute when you look at him and his pockets are bulging with his toy cars, a flashlight and boxes of raisins.  Just the other day, he asked me if he could change pants because the ones he had on weren’t tight enough around the waist to hold up the stash in his pockets!  However, sometimes it is not so cute as we are also finding that he occasionally takes things that do not belongs to him without asking and you can see from the sneakiness and the look on his face that he is fully aware that he should not have done it.  We are praying faithfully that God will bring healing to whatever it is inside of him that has felt the need for this.  Please join us in prayer for healing and for wisdom as to how to best correct and guide him in these times. 

·         I often think of just how odd you would think it would feel, from Eli’s perspective, to just hop right into someone’s family you don’t even know.  Eat their food, wear the clothes they give you, go where they tell you to go even when you have no clue where that is or what is next, snuggle up to them and let them help you in the bathroom if you have a need etc., etc. and I realize just what a trooper he really is.  He is just going with the flow really.  And yet, not only is he going with the flow but he seems to be really enjoying it!  It is sweet and sad – sad that he would feel such a need in those areas that it would only feel good and not odd (not knowing that is how he feels but judging so from his actions) but sweet that he is experiencing the joy of those needs being met.

·         Poor kiddo, we had to get him to the dentist right away as so many of his teeth are rotten.  Three root canals on the first visit and he needs 4 more on the next and then 2 teeth must be pulled.  He was impressively brave for a large part of the visit until the pain just got too much and then fear kicked in.  After his first appointment we let him pick a balloon from a vendor out front of the hospital.  As he was reaching and pointing upward I realized he wanted the biggest one – Hello Kitty which was even bigger than him.  You should have seen us on the bus ride!  Hello Kitty practically needed her own seat!  Thankfully he seemed fine once we got home and didn’t seem to associate the painful situation with us. 

·         Eli is a kisser and a snuggler!  I think he is making up for lost time.  And I guess because he can’t hear, his kisses come out a little different – more like a puff of air and saliva but he means well!  He also still likes to be held even though he is 7 and quite big – Hannah loves this part and is therefore acquiring quite the muscles!

·         Eli often stares at people with a blank look or sometimes even a kind of mean look, so I am trying to teach him to smile.  It is the cutest things because when I remind him, he instantly puts on a huge grin with his little under bite and crooked teach and it just warms my soul!

·         One day, in the hotel, Hannah realized that she couldn’t find Herby – a tiny mouse stuffed animal she has had since she was 7.  Although stuffed animals have taken on a different meaning at her age, Herby was still really special to her, full of many wonderful memories and had accompanied her on many big adventures.   So we looked and looked for him.   After searching everywhere, talking to the housekeeper and the front desk and searching Eli’s bags and pockets (poor guy but at the time being we just don’t know), all we could figure is that Herby, small as he was, had gotten swept up with the laundry when the maids changed the sheets.  After 2 or 3 days had passed with no Herby - I laid in bed and prayed,  "God, not because finding Herby is really a must, but just because You can, would you please help us find Herby because things are a little hard right now and it would just be really special for Hannah."  Then the next morning - we were standing in the hall of our 9 story hotel, waiting for the elevator to come and there was Herby staring me right in the face!  You know those cigarette trash cans that has a place on top for cigarettes and a small rectangular opening for trash below - well Herby was positioned perfectly in that rectangle just looking me straight in the eyes!  It was crazy cool!  He wasn't in there mixed with all the trash or upside down or anything, it was as if he were balanced on the bag itself - up high sitting right and proper!  It was such a blessing – not just to have Herby back, but it was a reminder that God is with us, He hears and He provides so much more than our needs – so he will certainly provide our needs!  What a gift J

·         The first couple of days with Eli, he didn’t act very nice towards Ayden.  All I can figure is that he was possibly not treated very kindly by the older boys he was around in his deaf school and he was on his guard.  This was a little hard for Ayden and obviously not good for bonding.  However, one evening as we were chatting in bed, Ayden said someone had come up to him that day (on one of those hard days) and asked if Eli was his little brother and Ayden answered yes.  Ayden told me with excitement, “it felt so good to be able to say yes!”  I was so grateful that even during the rough times he still thought that.   Thankfully, after about 3 days I guess Eli realized Ayden was “safe” and you could see a big change and  connection forming there.  Now he copies Ayden and has the, “little brother is amazed by big brother” thing going on!

·         I tried to sign to Eli that we would be going on a plane – I even got out a toy plane and a picture of a plane to try to show him but he did not want to listen.  For some reason, I guess because he has gotten by for 7 years without signing, he isn’t always quick to want to sign (although thankfully that seems to be lessening every day).  So I said ok and stopped trying, figuring he we figure it out soon enough.  So we sit down in the airport and he looks out the window and sees a huge plane only yards away and he about jumps out of his sit, begins hitting me on the leg and is filled with excitement!  It was cute!  He had a blast on the plane and especially loved that they brought him food and drinks!

·         Then it was time for our train ride home – our 20 hour train ride home!   Although I must say it wasn’t quite as “relaxing” as the 20 hour train ride there, Eli really did do quite well!  What impressed me the most was the way he shared my Kindle with a little 3 year old boy who sat near us.  Eli has an unhealthy love for all things electronic.  If you pull one out – phone, iPod, Kindle, iPad whatever – he will either crawl into your lap or very near (depending on how well he knows you) then he showers you with smiles and kisses (again depending on how well he knows you) as the excitement of possibly using it comes over him.  Realizing this, we have chosen to use them VERY little to help him gain a healthier perspective.   So after he had played it for about 15 minutes, I told him we were going to share it with the other little boy.  He said no but I said yes and I called the little boy over and let him take a turn.  After he played for a bit, I tried to communicate that Eli could join the little boy and they could play together.  It was so neat to watch just how gentle Eli was with him.  I saw a hint of this as I watched him in his orphanage with the much younger children.  He seems to have a heart for them and something beautiful comes over him when he is around little ones!

·         You could tell Eli understood as we got in a taxi – we were on our way home!  He was very excited!  We showed him all around and acquainted him with all of his new goodies – then without skipping a beat he wanted to help me cook and he has been doing it ever since!  The last week here at home has consisted of recouping from all of our travels, establishing a new norm and helping Eli learn many, many things – while we ourselves are leaning as well.  It has not all been easy but it has been good! We find it a beautiful thing to know that God is making two very needed things happen simultaneously:  Eli is receiving a family as he needed  (as God intended all children to have), and we are receiving the opportunity to be formed more into Christ’s likeness as we were needing; and both of them are happening to the glory of God – which is what it is all about! 

Love and blessings to you all and thank you so much for your prayers~  Tiffany

2 comments:

  1. Tiffany, This was so wonderful to read ! I love what God is doing through your story. Also, I have had MANY, MANY prayers answered like the 'Herby' one. Those answers are always such an encouragement to me. Much love to all FIVE of you :-) Dawn

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  2. We are thinking of you guys minute by minute as we also speak/hear Eric's story and see how they are doing with Sheldon. They will be home soon and have experienced much the same as your family in their travels. Gary

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